I still see you

I don't remember the first time I saw her face.
All I know, she was her.

The first time I wore my glasses, 6 or 7 years old, was the first time when I felt the world is pretty.
I could see everything so clearly.
I could see her face then, finally.
She is her.

I didn't see it clearly back then, but she was always in front of me.
She went out and came back to us, to me.

And then it changed, we were walking side by side.
Hand in hand. I was able to grip her hand.
I told her once, I would like to walk on the sidewalk with her.
She nodded and smiled.

We went out, had fun and came back.

And then it changed again, we will be living apart for years.
I was in front of her, ready for the challenge.
I looked back one last time and I saw that she waved her hand.
She had tears in her eyes.

Suddenly, I questioned my life choices.
For years.

Now, I am always in front of her.
I am going out and come back to her.

She won't be able to walk before me, we won't be able to walk side by side anymore.
And we won't be able to walk together on the sidewalk.

However, I always look back and always hope to keep seeing her.
To see her face.
Face that reminds me that she is her.
She is always her.

My mother.

Comeback

No, I am not talking about singers that made a comeback.

I was referring about myself!
I am back!!
It has been 3 years, my goodness time flies.

If only I didn't have the epiphany of checking my blog, it was September morning in my office, then I would not be here.

I will try to update again, regularly.
As a lot of things happened to me for the last few years.
Memories... I was happy, sad, scared, you name it.
This is what we call, life.
We can't be happy all the time. Else, it's boring.

I miss you.

confessions of a random fan

It is going to be a long post... well yes I listen to K-Pop, I am not denying it.

I think it started around 2009, that's when I really listen the whole song and watch the MV.
Was it Gee by SNSD? I guess...
Me and my sisters watched it on indovision back home and we were like 'how many are they?', and 'she looks like the girl who played in Full House' *while pointing at HyoYeon* and all that jazz.

I knew there is another girl group that were famous before Gee, and I found out that it was Wonder Girls.
Sadly when I joined the K-Pop fans, they were in America and tried to 'conquer' the US market.
And their last song in 2008 was Nobody, which never really get place in my playlist, it was mehh for me.
Two Different Tears is also mehh for me, so I didn't give them a place in my laptop.

Then Be My Baby... their comeback song in 2011 attracted me a bit.  Their teasers are fine! So I downloaded the whole album to give it a go.

And boy what a worth-to-listen album... I even bought the original CD when I went home in April : p

My favourite songs are dugodugo... and Stop! and yes, SuperB.  I listened to the whole album whenever I commuted to and from my internship company.

But as a whole, it was indeed perfect album to listen during your free time.


They went on hiatus and then cameback with another catchy song, Like This.  It is an okay song but I have devoted myself as their fan so I downloaded the mini album and took a listen.

And oh-yeash I love them even more!

Best song? hands down it is... Sorry.

What excites me is this Japanese song they have in the new album, Wonder Love.  To me it is too catchy and too X-mas-y to ignore.  I listen to it whenever I bike.
Just head bobs, shoulder shakes and (bad) lipsync to the song make my bike ride EPIC : p

I follow them in KakaoTalk, yeap.
I listen to any of their song, at least one, everyday.
I anonymously read their threads in multiple forums, mmhm...
I congratulated SunYe's wedding plan and gave her best wishes... in my mind.

Back then I made a post about Onew, and how his all child-like made him attractive for me : p
Anyway... now I have this urge to follow YeEun.  Not in the stalker way.
I guess her short orange hair during Like This attracts me hahaha

She has this senior in school vibe, which is not famous by its looks but because her charisma and leadership.  Me, as a clueless junior, just want to follow her around and do what she did.
She's not too skinny, which is good.
Her singing voice is one of the best in K-Pop to me.
I believe I will be her fans if WG disbanded, she'll be okay on her own : )

Well I won't post her pics here cause I have too many favourites ahaha
google it yourself you lazy people!

longing

I never knew James Ingrams' songs, apart from songs in his Forever More album.
I, of course, don't listen to all the songs there.
Yet, there are 5 songs which I downloaded and sometimes put on repeat.

And when I listen to them, all I can think off is my mom.
My mother, ibu.
She introduced me to them, or him.
Back then, when she used to work nearby my junior high school, she drove and play this album on the loop. Well, this and also Ally McBeal's soundtrack.

Back then, when everything was so simple, for me.
Back then, when I enjoyed going to school and meet my friends.
Back then, when everything felt so right and comfortable.
Back then, when I got to spend time with her, in the car, singing along, eat some junk food, and all that jazz.

But, of course, everything must change, isn't it?
Nothing stays the same.
And everyone will change, no one stays the same.
However, forever more, I'll be the one who needs you.

How I long to see you, cuddles with you, kiss you, and go somewhere with you, just the two of us.
But, yes, these are not possible anytime soon.
And I hope this is only temporary... .

I listened to the voice record file which you or faadiya sent me about 2 years ago.
I listened to it when I need to hear her voice.
Because it's, quite, difficult for us to talk long enough now, isn't it?
How 2 years felt like much much longer, and everything changes now.

I don't know how to end this rambling.
But, see you soon, Bu.
*cium

If I put myself in her shoes

No, this is not about shoes shoes.
This is meant, if I were you.
Another lengthy English post, please bear with me 'kay?

I watched several Asian movies last night, and boy what a night.
What I remembered the most were Hello School Girl, I know you know it.
And how I missed the times I watched videos; movies, MVs, you name them, with you.

Then my attention was caught on this movie, Wedding Dress.
It's one of the tear jerker, I didn't know whyyy I watched this last night.
My eyes went puffy in the morning -.-

Well, it's about a single mother and her daughter.
The mother has a cancer, typical Korean movie, and she kept it secret from the daughter.
However, the daughter knew and didn't let her mother know that she know.  Confuse? Let it in...
So each tried to do the best to fulfill other's wishes without them knowing.
Well... you can think the end of the movie.  That's why I said, TEAR JERKER.
And I am sucker for drama which revolves around family.

So, while I was watching this, I kept thinking of you.
Somehow the little girl resembles you, not in the physical way.
And the main topic in my head was, while I was her (your) age...

She is the only child, which you are right now at the house.
While I was your age, the house was never quiet.
Especially you were still a baby... well not a baby, still a lil kid :P
There were people in each corner of the house, in each bedroom.
I don't know how is it in the house at this moment, but I bet it is different than before.

She got picked up after school by her mother.
Well...
While I was your age, our mother picked me up.  She was the one who offered it, most of the times.
Even when I was still in high school.
But we know that now... it's impossible, right?

And one thing that I remembered the most, that the girl hide her tears, the girl is really strong.
And I know that you are too.

Well bad days sometimes happen and you messaged me about it, yet I couldn't do anything except praying and wishing the best for you.
I kept thinking, if I was in your shoes, I can't always cope it by myself.  I need my siblings with me.

I am sooo proud of you, you know?

And when you messaged me about the thing that got you excited, starts in December.
I was reallllly happy to know that, I am until now.
Because when I was your age, I was started to think about it too.
And boy how excited I was when it really happened.

You're a lucky girl, keep that in mind please.
You have your siblings and family who loves you and prays for you.
You have friends that you enjoy being around with.
Your wishes, most of them, came true.
And
You also have our parents for yourself now :P
As much as I wanted to be there, I just can't right now.

I love you.
You're the funniest little girl I have ever known.
And you're always be a lil baby in my eyes.

Do your best, STUDY, don't forget to pray, and love those around you.
And you'll feel the love back, even stronger than you gave to them.
I hope for the best for your school, I know you can do it.

Let's do exciting stuff whenever I am there okay?
Tell me what you want to do, and let's do it together if you want.

Love

The world in my eyes

To be honest, the world is small.
For Indonesian people that is.

Everybody is somewhat related to everyone else.
We like to socialize, make ourselves busy, and... I don't know, we like to do more than just stay inside our house.

Join an organization? Why not?
You can experience more and meet new people that are more than you can imagine.

And there's nothing wrong with that.